The first night a child spends in your home is one of the most significant moments in the fostering journey — for both of you. It can be exciting, nerve-wracking, emotional, and overwhelming all at once. Understanding what to expect and how to prepare can make all the difference.
Before They Arrive
Preparation is everything. Make sure the child's bedroom is warm, clean, and welcoming. You do not need to go overboard, but small touches matter — a soft blanket, a nightlight, some age-appropriate books or a cuddly toy on the bed. If you know the child's age and interests, try to have something in the room that feels personal to them.
Have some easy, comforting food ready. Think about what most children enjoy — pasta, toast, a warm drink. The first night is not the time to experiment with an elaborate meal. Keep things simple and familiar.
When They Walk Through the Door
The moment a child arrives can feel intense. They may be tearful, withdrawn, angry, or surprisingly cheerful — sometimes all of these within the first hour. Every child responds differently to coming into care, and there is no right or wrong way for them to feel.
Keep things calm and low-key. Show them around the house, especially where the bathroom is and where their bedroom is. Let them know they are safe, that this is their home for now, and that you are there if they need anything. Avoid bombarding them with questions or too much information.
The Evening Routine
Try to follow a gentle routine without being rigid about it. A bath or shower, some quiet time, and then bed. If the child is used to a particular bedtime, try to stick close to it, but be flexible — the first night is about comfort, not rules.
Some children will want to talk; others will want silence. Follow their lead. If they want the door left open, leave it open. If they want a light on, leave it on. These small accommodations can make the difference between a child lying awake in fear and one who eventually drifts off feeling safe.
When Sleep Does Not Come Easy
It is completely normal for a child not to sleep well on their first night. They may cry, call out, or come to your room. They may wet the bed. They may have nightmares. None of these things are failures — they are natural responses to an extraordinary situation.
If a child is distressed, be gentle and reassuring. Sit with them if they need it. Talk softly. Remind them where they are and that they are safe. Try not to take it personally if they push you away or say they want to go home. These are normal reactions.
Looking After Yourself
The first night can be emotionally draining for you too. You may lie awake listening for sounds from their room. You may feel anxious about whether you are doing the right thing. You may feel a surge of protectiveness that surprises you.
All of these feelings are valid. Talk to your supervising social worker the next day. Connect with other foster carers who understand. And remember that the first night is just that — the first of many. Things do get easier, and the bond you build with a child often starts from these uncertain, vulnerable early moments.
The Morning After
When the child wakes up, keep things calm and positive. A simple breakfast, a chat about what the day might look like, and plenty of reassurance. The first morning sets the tone for everything that follows. Let them know you are glad they are there. Find a foster agency near you today.
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